by Ralph Barnes
Citizens Voice & Times
September 26, 1996
The English, who are always making such a fuss about the goings-on of their
Royal Family, may not have a thing on the folks around here. There may be
royalty living up every creek and hollow in Estill and Lee counties.
Many people believe that the Brandenburg family is descended from the Prussian
nobility that ruled Germany. Kaiser Wilhelm II, the last Hohenzollen ruler of
Germany was a Brandenburg. In 1918, at the conclusion of the first World War,
Wilhelm was forced to abdicate and flee the country. The family’s treasure was
seized by the German government and some American Brandenburgs are making a
serious effort to recover the fortune. The case is being litigated through the
courts in the United States and Germany. According to some sources the estate is
worth billions at present exchange rates.
The prudent thing would be for Brandenburg descendants not to spend the money
before they have the cash in hand. Even if the German court ruled favorably on
the family’s claim, there are a zillion Brandenburgs to claim a share of the
prize. According to family folklore, the first Brandenburg that came to America
was Wilhelm Heinrich Brandenburg. The story goes that he was the son of Soloman
Brandenburg who was an Elector in Prussia. Wilhelm fell out with his family and
came to America where he eventually died in Maryland.
One of Wilhelm’s sons, Matthias, immigrated to Kentucky, settled in Clark
County and became the patriarch of the Kentucky Brandenburgs. Most of the early
Brandenburgs shared a proclivity for procreation that greatly increased the
family’s numbers. Matthias sired at least twelve children who in their turn
produced large families. The Brandenburgs founded at least two towns in the
Commonwealth. The communities of Heidelberg in Lee County and Brandenburg in
Meade County were settled by members of the family. According to family
archivists, the Estill and Lee county Brandenburgs are descended from three of
Matthias’s sons. David remained in Clark County and some of his descendants
later moved to Estill County. Joseph and Samuel Brandenburg founded Heidelberg
in Lee County and many of their descendants live in both counties.
It has not been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that our Brandenburgs and the
royal Brandenburgs belong to the same family. However, it might be prudent for
all county residents to learn royal etiquette just in case. It could well be
worth the time and trouble. We do not want to be regarded as rubes by the
English who have had more experience with the aristocracy. There are a few
simple rules to remember when dealing with nobility.
Persons of noble birth must be bowed and curtsied to at all times. Men bow and
women curtsy. Bowing is done by extending the right arm in a grand sweep and
bending so low that your forehead nearly touches the surface. A curtsy is
accomplished by thrusting the right leg as far as it will reach in front of the
left leg and sliding down until the pelvic area of the body nearly touches the
floor. You might want to study the cheerleaders out at the high school. They
perform this maneuver frequently during their routines. One’s head must be
bowed while addressing royalty and noble personages must never be looked
directly in the eye. Avoid calling them by their given name. Gentry must always
be addressed as "Your Royal Highness" or another equally noble
sounding title. Their royal personages must be protected from the rain and
other elements, even at the risk of your own comfort and safety. Doors are to
be opened for them and chairs held while they are being seated. (This rule, of
course, does not apply in rest rooms.)
It would be unseemly for members of the gentry to perform menial labor. Any
commoner married to a Brandenburg should do all of the household chores and
other grunt labor that is required. Serving your noble spouse breakfast in bed
is a nice touch. When in public, spouses with non-royal blood should walk a few
paces behind their highborn partners.
Since so many people in the county have Brandenburg blood, the remaining
citizens will need to work very hard to make sure Estill’s aristocracy is
accorded the proper courtesies. A system must be developed that will allow for
the instant recognition of the blue-bloods entitled to royal treatment. Perhaps
they could wear signs that prominently display their regal status. That way
they can be spotted from a distance. Persons with arthritis or other
infirmities will have an opportunity to duck into a doorway rather than be
embarrassed by their inability to bow or curtsy in the approved manner. The
payoff will be in the bus loads of tourists that flock to Estill and Lee
Counties to gawk at the Brandenburgs. Look what the Royal House has done for
tourism in England. In addition, hundreds of reporters will descend on the area
to report Brandenburg scandals to the international media. The Estill and Lee
Courthouses will become as familiar to world audiences as Buckingham Palace.
All of this activity will create jobs and bring money into the region. The
government will need to set up a jobs retraining program since very few people
in either county have much experience as Footmen, Coachmen, Ladies-in-Waiting,
etc. We already have a sufficient number of Court Jesters who will require no
training. Camelot never had it so good.
The tragedy is that so many Brandenburgs have passed on without receiving
recognition of their royal status. The writer’s own great grandmother, Clara
Brandenburg Barnes, never even knew that she was a princess. It's probably just
as well, since she lived in a cabin on a hardscrabble farm up Fitchburg Hollow.
Things were not quite as bad after her husband, Wallace, struck oil and moved
the family to more cosmopolitan Miller’s Creek. She probably still would not
have felt comfortable with the royalty thing.
Some of the Brandenburgs will elect to forego the pomp and pageantry.
All of the Brandenburgs will take the money.
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