When the Russians Invaded Irvine?
By Ralph Barnes
Citizens Voice & Times
November 12, 1998
Back in the days of our innocence when the contrast between good and evil was more clearly defined, the United States was in a life-and-death struggle with the Soviet Union. The struggle was known as the Cold War and was fought mostly with spies and propaganda. Occasionally the Cold War erupted into a real shooting war in some remote corner of the globe that nobody ever heard of. One of those flare-ups took place in the early Fifties and was known as the Korean Conflict. At that time, there was still a great deal of patriotic fervor left over from America's recent victory in World War II and support for the effort was nearly unanimous. In spite of the fact that the American troops fought bravely and suffered terribly, that infernal battle ended up as a stalemate with neither side able to claim total victory. Americans were accustomed to winning and having to negotiate a truce with the Communists was an alarming development. Even worse, the forces of Communism appeared to be winning the struggle against the free world. Since the end of WWII, a number of countries had been sucked into the Soviet orbit and several of our remaining allies seemed destined to fall to the Communists. That fact created a constant fear in the hearts of many Americans that sooner or later the Reds would come after us. It was against that backdrop that the following incident occurred.
Persons who have seen the comedy, "The Russians are Coming" will have a greater appreciation for this tale.
The local National Guard unit, Company H of 149th Infantry Regiment had an illustrious past and was idolized by every school boy in the county. The company was called up to fight the Japanese in the Philippines during WWII. The local men acquitted themselves with honor and their feats were the topic of much discussion at county gatherings. Boys who grew up during that period could hardly wait to join that celebrated unit. The minimum age of enlistment was seventeen with parental consent and eighteen without. However the National Guard was not too fussy about the age requirement and boys of fifteen and sixteen routinely joined the unit. Becoming a member of this elite organization was simply a matter of the enlistee lying about his age. In those days lying was an indispensable skill if a boy hoped to reach adulthood. He had to lie frequently to his parents, teachers, preachers, etc. When the occasion arose he could, on short notice, produce a dozen skilled prevaricators to back up the most fantastic fabrications ever devised by the human mind. So by the time most boys reached their middle teens, they were accomplished liars and lying to get into the National Guard was a piece of cake. If one is going to lie about his age why not simplify the enlistment process by making one's age eighteen and avoiding the uncertainty of obtaining parental approval.
National Guard enlistments had been dragging and the higher-ups decided to hold a recruitment contest to fill the ranks of the Guard units. A gold watch was offered as a prize to the Guard member who could recruit the most new enlistees. A member of Company H named nicknamed "Duckbait" set about to win the prize. During the contest less attention than normal was paid to such an unimportant vital statistic as age and a large number of sixteen, fifteen and even one or two fourteen year olds were enlisted by the local Guard unit.
Duckbait by far, out-recruited the other contestants and won the contest hands down. He was presented with a handsome gold plated wristwatch for his efforts and for months afterward prominently displayed his prize for all to admire.
Many of the more youthful trainees were so diminutive that even the smallest uniforms stocked by the military utterly swallowed them. Consequently, they were issued helmets that obscured their eyes and ears, oversized boots that made walking clumsy and fatigues that completely draped their undeveloped bodies. The new recruits were unfazed by their comic appearance and wore the uniforms in public as often as possible to impress the young ladies. The girls, being teenagers and unsophisticated themselves, accepted the Guardsmen as bona fide soldiers. In addition to getting to wear great uniforms, the youthful recruits were paid a full days pay of $2.60 every time they drilled. Life was good for the fledgling members of Company H. The teen-age troopers could bask in the reflected glory of the veterans who had fought in the recent wars while being paid handsomely for their services.
Not long after the recruitment drive ended, just about the time the gold on "Duckbait's" new watch began to turn, some military big shots decided that it would be a good thing to test the combat readiness of the National Guard. The concern was that a foreign power, such as Russia, might attempt to surreptitiously land commandos for sabotage purposes as a prelude to a major military strike against the USA. The brass needed to know if the nation's citizen soldiers could be counted on to thwart the threat. The decision was made to put the National Guard on temporary alert and assign each unit the mission of protecting their locality from illusory saboteurs.
So the calls went out to every member of Company H to report immediately to the armory. No reason was given for the alert with the Guardsmen being told only that it was an emergency and to make haste. Once assembled in the armory, the company commander strode to the front of the group in his grandest style and displaying his most serious demeanor announced that the Russians were invading Estill County by parachute. Now, the company commander was given to the dramatic and even on those occasions when engaged in a casual conversation about trivial matters spoke in a style reminiscent of Charlton Heston in his Moses role. Recognizing that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to demonstrate his dramatic talents before such a rapt audience, the speaker eloquently invoked the assembled company to rise to the occasion by liberally sprinkling his speech with words such as honor, duty and country. The younger Guardsmen were so taken with the astonishing news and the dramatic manner in which it was presented that they failed to notice the subdued smiles of the older members of the company.
The youthful soldiers, not being well schooled in geography, knew only that the Russians must be prevented from capturing their beloved county. It never occurred to these "guardians of democracy" to ask why the Russians would even want to capture places like Pea Ridge and Possom Trot or what they would do with them if they had them. They were simply told to go and find the saboteurs. Unfortunately some of the heroic defenders were given jeeps with mounted machine guns and blank ammunition to make the exercise more realistic.
Not knowing where to find the invaders, several of the crews chose to drive up Broadway, the main route between Irvine and Ravenna in those days. The boy soldiers soon decided that it was no fun being a hero if nobody knew it. Since it was in the wee hours of the morning and most of the population was asleep, our young heroes were in a quandary as to how they were to get their justly deserved recognition. That dilemma was resolved when D.F. thought he saw a Russian in the vicinity of his girlfriend's house and fired off a few rounds. Other members of the group quickly followed suit and in short order all of the guns were blasting away at the vapory Russians. Ironically these Russian sightings nearly always occurred near the residences of girlfriends of the Guardsmen.
One can only imagine what went through the minds of local population, but suffice it to say that the town lit up like a redneck's Christmas tree. The switchboard at the police station was swamped with calls. To make matters worse, the Irvine Police Chief, was roused out of bed by calls from angry and bewildered residents. When the Chief finally caught up with our John Wayne impersonators, he was in no mood to be trifled with. His instructions were brief and to the point. He told the juvenile heroes, between expletives, to stop the foolishness and return to the armory. The troopers had the good sense to obey the Chief, but on the way back to the armory there was some discussion as to whether the Irvine Police Department had been infiltrated by Commies and was now part of the invasion plot. The choice was now whether to return to battle and face the wrath of the Chief or to return to the armory as instructed. Without further discussion, our fearless fighters opted for the armory. The National Guard never again staged another combat readiness exercise in Estill County.
Persons who might think this account is a figment of the writer's fertile imagination would do well to note that not a single Russian saboteur ever breached the inner defenses of Possom Trot nor Pea Ridge. The fact that those communities remain free today is proof enough of the validity of the aforesaid tale. The citizens of the county should, at long last, recognize those uncelebrated defenders of liberty with a fitting ceremony and perhaps even a plaque. More importantly, we all need to be cognizant of the fact that the unsung heroes of that long forgotten debacle have played major roles in Estill County's commerce and government for nearly a half century. That should make everyone feel more secure.